I
wish there is some kind of a rulebook for vulnerability. Some guide
that tells you when you’ve crossed the line or when enough is enough.
Something you can bring along everyday everywhere you go to refer to
when you see signs of danger or about to enter a state of confusion but I
guess the danger of hurting is a pre-requisite to falling in love.
I
tried evading the risk. I spent my whole life building walls and
mastering strategies to keep everyone out and survive with only the
things that are necessary. I was doing pretty good at it. Then you came
and before I knew it, my walls kept on cracking until it had enough
cracks for it to be destroyed with just a pinch. I don’t blame you, you
didn’t ask for it. I think all you did is something silly like say ‘Hi.’
I
don’t know how it happened. Suddenly, you are all over the place, all
over me. I am scared as hell. This is like jumping from the exosphere
with no parachute, no safety net waiting, certainly no angel around fast
enough and with wings strong enough to soften the impact when I do hit
the ground. I could have turned back. I had that moment, that moment
when I could have decided to walk away from it all but I saw you waiting
down there. The only thing that separates you from me was this free
fall. And I did the dumbest thing, I jumped.
I do not regret any
of it. I do not regret a single word I told you and surprisingly, I do
not regret the vulnerability. There is this huge possibility that I will
wake up one day with all my bones broken, scar all over my skin, pieces
of my soul scattered everywhere and a dying heart. Along with that fear
you brought, however, is the courage to not care about tomorrow. I
found myself saying, ‘What the heck! He is worth it.’
So I’ll
take this step, this journey with you. Defenses off, precautions zero.
I’ll step on every damn thorn, cross every freakin’ line, take every
stupid risk to make it work with you.
You have my heart.
No
matter how much I try to watch for it, I know I will not have any power
to stop you should you decide to grind it and fry it like a burger.
It’s a risk I’m taking because knowing you have it with you for a brief
moment beats the hell out of eternity without you.
I’m now ready for a fall.
The ink of my pen is my blood. Every drop heals my wound. Even though you can tie my body but you can't tie my soul...I write what I want to write... no sugar coats,no romanticism... what I say is what I feel...I can't just talk about the pretty things in life. There's a lot of ugly things and in betweens. I think age is making me more honest and comfortable with my thoughts.
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